Tom's intro reminds us that last week it was "Wagner who got jacked." They tell us that it's "Rock Week" and the reanimated corpses of KISS are on the ballroom floor to get us pumped up with "Rock and Roll All Nite" - "Nite" is their spelling not mine. Good grammar and spelling rock, kids Stay in school!
There's pro dancers in unitards and KISS makeup and it looks even sillier than the old men rockers, which I didn't think was possible. The female pro dancers are in leather bikinis and this is all uncomfortably close to a primetime cop drama strip club scene. Tom, enthusiastically exclaims after the song is over that "[they] go to eleven!" If only we'd had Spinal Tap on hand. KISS plays along with the band during the theme song and I appreciate them being good sports. Judging by the costumes coming down the stairs we're going to see a lot of Paso Dobles set to rock music. Musical director Harold Wheeler is sporting Paul Stanley's "Starchild" makeup.
Sherri Shepherd & Val Chmerkovskiy
They're doing the tango to Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel the Noize." (Again, not my spelling.) They've got a female singer doing lead vocals and it sounds weird. Sherri spends A LOT of time at the beginning pulling stripper moves on the judges' table. Even though Len got an eyeful of Sherri's most prominent assets, I'm not sure he'll appreciate that.
This is not nearly as fast as it should be; Sherri is somehow flat footed in heels; they look they're walking more than dancing; and her kicks are weak and low. So she'll probably get 9s. Len mentions a "little incident" with her feet but said overall they were great. Bruno propositions Sherri in French Lady Marmalade style. Carrie Ann, whose hair is closer to Jesus in Heaven than it ever has been, says Sherri lacked her normal enthusiasm.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 7 Len: 7 Bruno: 7. AHA! There's those 7 paddles that we know and love.
Katherine Jenkins & Mark Ballas
They've got the Paso Doble, and Mark is trying to turn Katherine into the "Welsh Warrior" so he takes her to watch MMA training. Sure. Why not? This is a segment that lets you know, "Either the star has no personality or the star and pro have zero chemistry and aren't friends at all." Katherine can't say "badass" without giggling, so this doesn't bode well. She's wearing a skintight bodysuit and looks vaguely reminiscent of Michelle Pfeiffer in Catwoman garb. She can't stop smiling during
the "swirl the skirt like a toreador waving the cape" move, which they might criticize her for as not being intense enough.
That was boring, maybe because I didn't know the song, Muse's "Time Is Running Out." Let's see what the judges say. Bruno says Katherine needs to be careful because she didn't finish her moves and it wasn't as "clean" and "precise" as she needed to be. Carrie Ann points out that Katherine kept adjusting her feet and seemed off her game. Len says it had "promise, but didn't deliver," but then reassures her that she's a "wonderful dancer."
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 8 Bruno: 8. I'm not sure it was 3 points better than Sherri, but I think the judges are aware that Sherri will make up in audience vote what Katherine might not.
Jaleel White & Kym Johnson
I have A LOT of problems with this introduction segment, y'all. First of all, Mick Jagger is a PART of The Rolling Stones but is not by himself The Rolling Stones. "Satisfaction" is not a Mick Jagger song, but a Rolling Stones song, even though Jagger and Richards share writing credit. Secondly, Jaleel White does not have "Jagger lips." Thirdly, George Jefferson came after Mick and that strut,
Jaleel. Sheesh. Here comes their tango. They've got a Union Jack projected on the dance floor.
The band is fast, but their dance is slow -- it's very disorienting. Right as they do a close-up of their feet, Kym's feet look weird. Don't know if that was intentional or a misstep. Carrie Ann tells Jaleel not to be so "smooth" that the dance needs to be more "staccato." Len says it needed more attack and aggression, but as a performance it was great. Bruno has apparently decided to stand while giving all his critiques tonight -- he essentially agrees with the first two judges.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 7 Bruno: 7.
'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Week 4 performances
It's Rock Week! Y'all ready for some Gladys Knight doing Queen?
Gladys Knight and Tristan MacManus. (Bob D'Amico, ABC / April 9, 2012)